It's not one of those desperate moments where you need emotional triage; it's more of a slow and muffled cry for purpose in my day to day life.
I love being a mother. It's the life I was created for. I love waking up to her smiling face and being the one she reaches for in her need. I love every part of it.
Being a mother takes up 30 hours of my day, every day. That's right. I don't seem to have time to take a daily shower, let alone be creative and prosper from that creativity. What I've realized, though, is that the time that I am busy is not brain time, it's hand time. For example, I will spend hours every day just holding my baby girl because I'm taking advantage of her need for me and getting my cuddles in while I can. These hours have so far been used for Netflix and Pinterest (aka time suckers). I wish I could say I've been exclusively watching documentaries, browsing baby tips, pinning workouts and healthy recipes, but the truth is that I've been daydreaming.
Being recognized for creating beauty. Isn't that the ultimate dream?
Daydreaming about the perfect house where I have the right color walls, the right kind of flooring, the most beautiful art on the walls.
About sewing custom and organic baby clothes for my little girl, and keeping her dressed to the max no matter what the circumstance.
About having thousands of blog followers who hang on my every insight-filled word.
About creating beauty and being recognized for it.
Being recognized for creating beauty. Isn't that the ultimate dream? No matter what the industry, we as women have echoes of the creator's heart in us, and we want to add to the glorious symphony of the earth from our own hearts. That's why Instagram and Pinterest are so addictive-- it's easy to get sucked into the chasm of wanting to be more and believing that others have it locked in.
The truth is, I believe that I am created in the image of the Great Beautifier, and that I have the ability and prerogative to create beauty that permeates my world.
I have a lot of outlets, as I was recently reminded in a conversation with my husband. I draw, paint, record music, decorate our house, etc. I love to create art and share it with others. What my heart longs for is a way to corral my brooks and creeks of inspiration into a powerful river of art and beauty.
Perhaps this blog is the place that I will find connections between my different forms of art. I will be pouring into it over the next season, so look forward to seeing more frequent posts about being a creatively motivated stay-at-home-mom.
As much time as you spend with your daughter, she will be a beautiful little girl. :)
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