Saturday, October 4, 2014

turning into my mother (thank GOD)

I have a cold.

A really yucky, headache and sneezing and sore throat kind of cold. Of course, with a ten week old baby, it's tough to get the amount of sleep needed to get rid of such a cold.

But when I see her little face look up at me, my sickness takes a backseat to cuddles and silly faces and my favorite thing, breastfeeding. I love holding her little body up to mine and knowing that it is God's incredible design that allows her to get all of her sustenance from my weak and battered body.  When I'm upset, I can easily let go of my problems because I never want her to think it is her fault.

Spending time with her is my favorite thing, and I frequently refer to her as my little best friend. I want to be with her all the time, and love using our baby carrier to snuggle as I let her shadow my adult life.

It's no secret that my mom is an amazing mother, and I am starting to realize more and more how blessed I am to have her in my life, and how blessed Everly is to have her as a grandmother. My mom has been through several periods of sickness in her life, but has never let us believe anything was our fault. She is the mom that "when there are four slices of pie for five people, she will say that she never did care much for pie." I am finding that I have been in apprenticeship of motherhood my entire life, and remembering my wonderful childhood makes me so excited for every new stage with my own daughter. My mom protected my heart from the need to conform when I was the weirdest little kid, and I honestly believe that is one of the big reasons I have kept my childlike creativity and imagination. I can't wait to let Everly play with big piles of dry rice in the kitchen floor to help her tactile development, run and dance in the rain with her, or to make her Christmas pajamas to wear for the first time on Christmas Eve (a tradition my mom still does.) Mom still tells all of us how much she likes us (not just loves) and is one of my best friends. I genuinely hope Everly and I can have a relationship like ours.

I am turning into my mother, and I am so excited.

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