I have felt the Spirit with me in such a real way that I could name his fruit in my situation. Cracking jokes when I could barely fit a smile onto my swollen cheeks: joy. Peace and patience in the NICU. Love in the eyes of my precious husband as he held my head through labor, stayed bedside through my seizure, and held his baby girl like he had an addiction to her smell.
As I was riding in the ambulance on my way to Asheville, I heard the words "the depth of the pain will equal the depth of the joy." I had no idea how much I would hang on to that phrase as my life was changed unrecognizably.
I went into the darkest places I have ever reached, and encountered despair and exhaustion like I had never known.
Even so.
I held my baby girl with arms so swollen they could barely bend.
I held my baby girl.
I had to fight hard to leave the ICU to get upstairs to the NICU to see her smile and feed her.
Her smile could melt any heart.
In my stay here at the hospital, I moved around to 7 different rooms. I have gotten the opportunity to love and be loved on by so many amazing nurses and staff. Dorothy and Raina (pronounced Renee, which drove me crazy) were my favorite dynamic duo, and we had so many laughs about the underwear and the late night drugged conversations.
I found so much joy in my stay here that I am almost overwhelmed with happiness when I leave the grounds. A Chick Fil A sandwich is a gourmet experience. Finding a good parking spot sends me over the edge.
The depth of joy is unmatched.
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